Crowns

On November 13, 2010, in Uncategorized, by Andrea

It’s no secret that I listen to a great deal of music.  I link quite a bit of it on my Facebook account, and put the lyrics up that I think are especially potent to what I’m feeling at the time.

I can be pretty quiet.  I know it can seem hard to believe, but it’s true.  And it was much worse when I was younger and used my weight as a shield to hide behind.  So I’ve always used music to express my true feelings.  And as Beth says, I listen to angry boy music, so be prepared.

I’ve been advocating a great deal of personal responsibility of late – responsibility for our own health and responsibility to stand up for ourselves and demand better health from our health care professionals.

Who’s gonna be my savior, now that I’ve learned to believe?
And who’s gonna be the answer, to all of my questioning?

Well I hope I’m not lost, but I think that hope is now distancing
And the words that secure a cause are now faint whisperings

Who’s gonna wear my crown?
Who’s gonna wear my crown?
I don’t know.  I just might, alone.
Who’s gonna wear my crown?
Who’s gonna wear my crown?
I don’t know.  I just got to go, my way.

Who’s gonna be my partner, now that I stand here alone?
Who’s gonna be the shepherd, to lead this poor boy back home?

Well I hope that I’m not lost, but I think that hope is now distancing
And the words that secure a cause are now faint whisperings

Who’s gonna wear my crown?
Who’s gonna wear my crown?
I don’t know.  I just might, alone.
Who’s gonna wear my crown?
Who’s gonna wear my crown?
I don’t know.  I just gotta go, my way

– Ed Roland, Collective Soul

While Ed Roland wrote this in memory of  his father, I see it in many different lights as well.

There comes a time in our lives in which we find ourselves floundering — that someone who we’ve trusted, we’ve idolized Really Isn’t As Perfect As We’ve Made Them Out To Be.  And then we have to figure out what this means for us.  Who do we turn to?  Who do we trust?

It happens in our post-op lives as well.  And unfortunately, it happens quite of us.  I know that this came for me when I found out my surgeon, whom I had idolized for his skill, bedside manner, and giving me my life back advocated the same vitamins that had dropped my B12, iron levels, and had given me rickets to FIX my deficiencies.  Not at higher levels, just the same levels that killed my vitamin levels in the first place.

I was lost.  I was alone.  I was in pain.  And I was scared.  It did not help that I had two children depending on me to be there for me.  I had no choice but to go my own way.  I was lucky in that I found Michelle with Vitalady who helped set me on the right track.  She got me started on the path I follow today.

At some point, we’ve got to learn that we CAN stand on our own two feet and do things for ourselves.  We’ve got to wear our own Crowns, and go our own way.

By standing up and taking personal responsibility for our post-op health, demanding better healthcare by those who supposedly understand us best, we are strengthening our community and helping those who come after us.  Is it easy?  Not always.  Sometimes you get into shouting matches with ER docs who wave their credentials around and try to prove your idiocy. 

But in the end, you’ve got to go your own way.

(And yeah, I bawl like a baby when I see this rendition of the song.  Dean kissing Ed on the head at the end just kills me.)

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1 Response » to “Crowns”

  1. MacMadame says:

    Angry boy music? That’s too funny. My dh calls what I listen to “Mommy’s Loud Frat Boy Music” but a lot of my Frat Boys are angry too.

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