I haven’t done an update in a few weeks or so, but it’s because I’ve been trying to work out some plans in my head. And several of you (Kaitlin, Michelle..) can attest to the fact that my head can be a scary place to be sometimes. (Hush, no details.)
That sticker you see up there? Or one very much like it? WILL BE MINE.
I am just stubborn enough that I will get it, or die trying. Especially since I know a few people expect me to fail. So just to spite them, I will succeed.
And I’m not alone. I’ve gotten a few others interested in doing either a half-marathon or a 5k — either with me at Disney or where they live if they can’t get to Disney in November. And it’s fantastic.
It’s no surprise to y’all here on the blog, to those that follow on FaceBook, certainly those who follow on Twitter, and my email readers that I’ve been more quiet than usual. I suppose it’s time to explain a bit more in detail rather than a bit here and there.
My surgiversary has come and gone. That was just another day on my calendar and it is simply a reaffirmation that I am just as fucked up today as I was when I was fat — but just in a different fashion.
Let me explain a bit.
It’s no secret that I’m a bit quiet in general. I have trust issues, I’m cynical, and I’m not really hugely out-going. Being “out-there” in the community has brought these issues out a bit more-so for me. This blog was never meant to be a psychological exploration of my self, of why I became fat, why I am who I am inside, etc.
This blog was designed to go through the supplements post-op. Perhaps a few of the psychological issues I see in the community. Self-advocacy and teaching our professionals to help us. Raising kids in a post-op environment.
But this was never to be my journal.
I’m not knocking those who choose to use their blog as a journey of introspection. Many get help from those blogs. I’m not one of them. I can’t write my feelings out for potential strangers to read my innermost thoughts and pick them apart in minute detail.
This goes back to aforementioned trust and cynacism issues. So even writing this? Difficult.
I’m procrastinating the dreaded task of deciding what to wear on my first day to class (OMG!) so I thought I’d share a short bit of my travels while Beth is in the shower.
I left late on Saturday to come down to Florida so I could break the drive up (9 hours) into two days, but also to spend some time with Magnus on his birthday. June is a busy month for us.. Sunday the 5th we celebrated Sweden’s Flag Day (a day early) in Raleigh, I had to pack and get ready for this trip, Magnus’ birthday was the 11th, this trip is the 13th and 14th, I head home on the 15th, my daughter’s birthday (she’s 5! how is that possible?) is on Friday, then on Saturday morning the 18th, we head to Sweden for 3 weeks (so blogging may be.. interesting.. I’m being threatened with loss of a computer.. and lack of work.. we’ll see…)
There is a reason I don’t ever want to be a “professional” post-op.
I don’t want to have to sacrifice my integrity in order to further my career.
We BBG’s – we all have our character traits:
- Beth is honest to a fault. In many cases, she is so honest, people hate her for it. They hate the fact that she knows so much, is willing to be so open about her own life, and feels others should be as well.
- Kaitlin is the best support a girl could hope for. You have Kaitlin on your side and you gain a wealth of knowledge as deep and wide as the day is long. There is a reason she is my number one confidant, and my best friend.
- Michelle is loyal to her friends and family, and will defend them with her last breath even without being asked of it. She also believes everyone else should do the same and is betrayed by those who feel differently.
- And me? I feel everyone should have the same level of integrity that I do.. which is fairly high admittedly. I hold myself accountable for a great deal and feel everyone elses’ moral compass should be the same direction as mine. I’ll defend my friends and family because it’s the right thing to do, but I’ll also tell them when I think they are wrong because I use my intellect.
So awhile ago, Nik over at Bariatric Foodie asked a bunch of us to get together and post our food for a day to give post-ops a “realistic” view of what we eat at various stages of our surgery. I’m an open book anyway, so I don’t really care one way or another, except that it’s a fairly boring routine.
And then I figured out that eating? Kills my head. So now I kinda shy away from food. Welcome to long-term post-op life.
I’m not the only one doing this – there is a group of us. Please feel free to check out their blogs. I’m sure they are more “normal” than I am, especially right now given my dislike of solids.
- Nik from Bariatric Foodie
- Michelle from The World According to Eggface
- Rob of Former Fat Dudes
- Andrea from WLS Vitagarten
- Pam from Journey to a Healthier Me
- Tom of Beariatric
- Beth at Melting Mama
I’ll be adding to this post through the day, so keep checking back. I also have a ton of other work to do, so you may also see some other things come across as well.